To everyone who has guided me in the right direction, who has encouraged me, and who has told me I’m still a good mom, Thank you so much! Your kindness and honesty have encouraged me to be a better version of me.
Hey guys!! I have had the biggest realization today and I want to share it with you guys. It’s going to be a game changer for me. Maybe I should’ve figured this out sooner, but I didn’t. But God has definitely taught me a lot through it. I hope this post can encourage you or help you navigate parenthood with toddlers.
Jeremiah has entered into what people call the terrible twos. I was trying hard to have a good attitude about it and started calling it the wonderful twos, but I didn’t ever once have the thought that this is wonderful. The only wonderful thing about this age is the hugs, kisses, little arms reaching for you to sit them on your lap to read a book. Those beautiful little moments were special, heartwarming, and few lately. But with a tantrum exploding from the littlest of things, those special moments fading away from my thoughts.
Going to church has been one of the HARDEST things to do. Most of the time my husband and I wouldn’t even be able to listen to the sermon. We’d be chasing our toddler around the pews, dealing with kicking and screaming, and taking him out of the auditorium so he could chill out, so we weren’t a distraction to others. To anyone who sat near us, I’m so sorry! One of us had the baby as well, bouncing or rocking to keep him from adding to the chaos. It was so embarrassing… I even considered not going to church until the kids were older. I didn’t know how to handle the situation because I didn’t want people to judge me, yet I would feel stares while I tried to get Jer to sit with me or play with his toys and he just kept pushing away from me. (I guarantee that those stares weren’t judgmental but sympathetic. I just thought everyone judged me at the time) I tried everything, from snacks to toys and books. Nothing kept him distracted for long, except one thing. Jeremiah LOVES my dad. Any time he sees his grandpa, he takes off running to him, reaching to be picked up. So anytime Dad seen us struggling, he’d come take him. I felt like a failing mom to give him to my dad, yet I loved the break from the chaotic struggle. Thank you, dad, for all your help! You have been a huge support my whole life. It just wasn’t fair to him either because he couldn’t listen to the sermon well either. Plus, I thought, “He is my kid. I should be able to handle this better… No one should have to deal with this but Bryce and I.”
Anyway, the point to say, it’s been tough. I had started to do TONS of research trying to find a solution or in other words “The best way to parent”. I probably googled how to biblically discipline about a thousand times. I don’t recommend that! lol I’ve watched about 10 YouTube videos, started to read a couple books trying to find a good solution. But with all my research I still didn’t find the “right solution”. There were some great tips, which I’ll list down below but nothing like what I was looking for. I wanted a solution or a “do this and everything will be fixed”. I was grasping at straws to the point of asking for help on social media. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but I was looking in the wrong place.
This morning, after giving up on a book that didn’t give me my solution in the first 3 chapters, I went to YouTube and searched raising a toddler Biblically. I came across a few videos that had great tips, but I still wasn’t satisfied. It was like I needed an “easier answer?” I don’t know what exactly I was looking for until I came across this one video. It was a young mom sharing her experience from childhood and how she is using what she learned to train up her kids. The thing that stuck out to me and make me drop to my knees was when she said this…
It is hard living what we believe. We are all hypocrites. “I will follow you Lord, but I don’t want it to mean, X, Y, and Z…” We all struggle with that, but here’s the caveat. If we do not have a faith that fully affects all of our life, our kids will see it. I want to live my Christian life out in a way that it is undeniable that I am a surrendered servant of God.
Link to the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mT2EEk-hyIQ
When I finished that video, I shut off my phone, left it in my bedroom, and went to get my Bible and prayer journal from the shelf. I fell to my knees and prayed. Knowing full well that I have not lived my life fully surrendered. After pouring my heart out to God, knowing how wrongly I’ve been going about this, a sense of relief came over me (Weight lifted off my shoulders), I opened my Bible. I didn’t know what to read or what book to look in, but God knew. I looked down to what the book opened to, and I smiled. Some people might say it’s coincidence, but I believe God showed me exactly what I needed to read. Hebrews 11:1-3 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.
I was lacking faith. Faith knowing that God is bigger than these tantrums, that God could work in the little heart of his, if I prayed for him, faith that God would give me direction on how to handle situations, if I just asked, or that He could give me strength to control my frustration. I needed Jesus… nothing else. And I was trying to teach my child about Jesus when I didn’t have the faith in Him myself. I wanted my child to obey me, but I wasn’t obeying God.
I believed that I needed to find the right parenting technique to succeed raising my child. But It’s not the technique, there no perfect solution. But a key factor I was missing was giving it the Lord. I’m not supposed to do it all on my own. I would fail miserably, if I tried. Well, we kind of already seen that, didn’t we? So that was the key component I was missing. I needed Jesus. He chose me to raise these boys. Thinking that God picked me to be their mom makes me feel so proud, God chose me to raise these boys to be godly young men. I just need to keep Jesus my focus because I can’t do it without Him. AND I’m not supposed to. Thank you, Jesus!!
Some of the good advice/tips from research:
One thing someone said on YouTube that hit hard was “How can you expect to teach your kid obedience in 5 minutes when it takes God 5 weeks or sometimes years to teach you obedience?” In other words, be patient with your kid and yourself. It’s going to take time, but it is possible.
A book suggested making a tantrum corner. If your toddler throws a tantrum, you put them in that corner, and they can throw their fit, but you are able to walk away and take a breather. Once the child has calmed down, you can talk to them and then they can go play again.
A friend on social media reminded me to be consistent with my “no” and follow through with punishments. No empty threats!
Moving forward: God is now my focus; I am trusting that God will give me wisdom and discernment. That He will give me strength to keep my cool and reflect Him throughout the frustrating situations. I’m going to talk about Jesus to my toddler and explain how He wants us to act. And be honest with him when I have failed as well. I want to live my life so that I am undeniably surrendered and a servant of God.
UNTIL NEXT POST, Becca Z
Leave a Reply