Good morning! For my first blog post I decided to write about the challenges I am currently facing. This isn’t easy for me to write about because I feel as though I have failed in this new season of life already. But that’s the whole point to this blog… to talk about the hard things. Let me explain…
A few weeks ago, I had my midwife come for a postpartum checkup. (I am currently 5 weeks pp) She was asking how I was feeling emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I told her that I wasn’t doing great. I was honest about how emotionally drained I was and how I was really irritable toward my husband… I wasn’t going to tell her that there wasn’t much spiritual anything going on, because I was too prideful…knowing this was probably the underlying issue. Anything Bryce did annoyed the crap out of me. He would try to give me a hug or kiss and I’d pull away and roll my eyes. I know, I know… he didn’t deserve such treatment, and I knew it! He had done SO much for me the past month. But I couldn’t help but be irritated. Well, she said that’s what they called being “touched out”. She gave me some advice along with some supplements to help. She told me to write my feelings down on paper, all of them, even the bad ones. Then burn it after it was finished. I thought that was a great idea, but it got me thinking… this topic isn’t talked about enough. Outside of my mom, sisters, and mother-in-law, I have never shared that I’ve tried hard to not kick my husband to the couch so I can have a little alone time, about the guilt I felt wanting 5 minutes away from the kids, that I’ve felt so far from God, and that I felt like a failing mother because my toddler throws a fit every time I’ve said “no”. So, in all of this beautiful mess I decided to write a blog to encourage moms out there because “moming” can be so hard, sometimes feel impossible. BUT there are lots of joys too, so let’s not stay in the discouragement! So together, we will talk about the hardships and joys of motherhood, and you aren’t alone in any of this! God is ALWAYS with you and I’m here too.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV Encourage one another and build each other up.
Depression:
Whether it’s seasonal depression, postpartum depression, or just plain depression, it’s real and it can be scary, overwhelming, and downright frustrating because you don’t feel like yourself. It’s hard to deal with. Momma if you are struggling… I understand. Here is a true story of when I felt like I hit rock bottom. The other day, I was having a really difficult night. Tyrel, my five-week-old, was crying, and I tried everything to calm him down, but nothing worked. Jeremiah, my eighteen-month-old, was sick and just wanted me to hold him, I couldn’t, so he started crying. I was so overwhelmed and flustered that I couldn’t think straight. Thankfully, my husband came home and managed to calm Jeremiah down and put him to bed, then he rocked Tyrel in his arms so I could have a moment alone. It was the BEST couple of minutes of my life until I felt overwhelming guilt for not being able to handle it and for giving the crying baby to my husband. I had horrible thoughts: “You are a terrible mom,” “You can’t handle two kids, you are weak,” “You just gave your husband, who is also tired from sleepless nights, the baby; how thoughtless!” “I’m not going to survive this.” “You are a terrible Christian.” Bryce came into the room and asked how I was doing, and I lost it. I cried and cried. Bryce sat beside me, still holding the baby, hugged me. He told me he’d listen if I wanted to talk, and talk I did. Through tears, I told him everything I was thinking and feeling and how guilty I felt for feeling this way. He just sat there holding me as I poured it all out. It had never felt so good to cry and share these thoughts, even with the guilt. After I had finished, Bryce told me that he loved me and that I was doing a great job as a mom. I felt so refreshed after crying and saying it all out loud that I felt I could now go on. Life didn’t quite seem so impossible. It didn’t cure the issue but it sure helped in that moment of overwhelming frustration. ( SIDE NOTE: Do you remember how I mentioned earlier that my midwife said to write everything in a notebook and then burn it? Well, Bryce has been my notebook. I want to encourage anyone struggling with depression to grab a notebook or find someone you can really trust who can be that notebook for you and pour it all out. Every last thought, get it out of your head. Make space for positive, encouraging, godly thoughts. It’s time to release some of this guilt.) The next morning, I decided to open my Bible. The first verse I seen was Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” I clung to that verse. I repeated it over and over again. I closed my Bible, and I didn’t read anymore but that was ok. I just keep reciting Psalm 119 verse 105 and that truly got me through me day. This reminds me of another verse 1 Thessalonians 5:21 “Test all things; hold fast to what is good.” NKJV – Maybe what we are lacking now as adults is memorized scripture.. how can we hold on to what is good when we don’t have the good (God’s word) memorized and hidden in our hearts? Another thought for another post maybe. lol back to the main topic… After doing some digging, I have found a verse that brings a smile to my face, and I hope it does for you too!
Psalms 34:18 NIV The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
In our deepest state of frustration or depression God is WITH you! He will not leave you. It can be really hard to remember or even believe it in that moment, but it is TRUE! We have to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and trust He will give us joy again. I have been there… you feel like God is unreachable or He can’t hear your cries… I promise you He does. I can’t explain how much writing this post has even opened my eyes. (I’m preaching to myself in this! Funny how God works) It’s making me realize the storms don’t have to be so bad because we have Jesus. Yes, they will still come but it sure will be a heck of a lot easier, because we aren’t alone. We just need to have faith that God is working, and trust He is with us no matter what.
I hope this post will encourage you! It has me 🙂 Until the next post, Becca <3
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